Formal Introductory Letter
Subject: Self introduction
Dear Professor Brad Blackstone,
I am Weili, a student in your “critical thinking and communicating” module, and I am in year 1 of mechanical engineering at Singapore Institute of Technology. In 2021, I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a Diploma in marine engineering. I interned at Wilsafe Private Limited as a cadet engineer, and this expanded my viewpoint of the experiences and challenges faced by individuals in the workforce. I learned valuable skills in time management, organization, and the importance of precise and accurate measurements.
When I was young, I always wondered how cars move, how airplanes fly, and how ships sail. I began to have an interest in engineering when I started with fixing, repairing, or installing furniture. Throughout the years from secondary school until the present, I have helped my parents repair furniture, dismantle electronic products to better understand how they work, and install curtains with precise measurements. I am always looking for a way to expand my skill set and be open to learning more about engineering.
One communication strength of mine is that I am open to feedback. Being open to feedback helps me to improve myself by using others' perspectives, considering their opinions, and ensuring that I do not never make the same mistakes again. This helps me to stay on track and not be easily distracted.
One communication weakness of mine is that I have stage fright. Whenever I am in front of a group or during public speaking, my heart always races, my hands will tremble and I will have a feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
My goal for this module is to overcome the fear of stage fright. As an engineer, there are tons of projects to present to the client requiring me to face the public or my superiors every time. Therefore, I hope that I can overcome this fear by the end of this module.
The second goal I hope to achieve is to improve my communication strength with reference to the above goal. I think it is important to communicate well because this is something that will benefit my personal and professional life. I have been communicating with family and peers mostly in singlish. Sometimes, I could encounter challenges when trying to express myself in proper English.
I look forward to picking up more skills from you in this module.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Weili
[Last updated on 16 Sept]
Commented on: Taufiq (somebody you used to know), Suiyuan (sycuriousthinking), Vishan
Solid effort, although I could spot a few grammatical errors. In formal emails/letters, refrain from using shortforms as it comes off being unprofessional and informal. Other than that, the information you give is well-organised.
ReplyDeleteNice letter but could be better. The usage of PEEL was a little lackluster, you could use PEEL to explain about your strength and weaknesses with more depth by giving examples from your experiences as support. But overall good letter structuring and letter has a smooth flow.
ReplyDeleteHey Weili, I think overall, your letter effectively displayed self-awareness and also a clear desire for self-improvement, which is of critical essence in the context of our this module. However, if not for the grammatical errors and language skills, it would have been perfect!
ReplyDeleteGood usage of PEEL in most of your letter writing but I feel that you can elaborate or illustrate more on your communication strength. Like an example of a outcome after listening to feedbacks of improvement.
ReplyDeleteOverall, your letter seems effective in displaying your personalities and interests. Its a good work done in my opinion but still, there are always rooms for improvement.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very informative letter, WeiLi. I especially appreciate learning about the motivation for you to study engineering. I also am impressed by how you dig deep into your needs as a communicator. As someone mentioned, you might have given a bit more depth to your elaborations.
In the spirit of constructive feedback, here are a few language issues to revisit in this letter:
1. overuse of caps
-- your “Critical Thinking and Communicating” module and year 1 in Mechanical Engineering at Singapore Institute of Technology. > (Are all these caps needed?)
2. verb use
-- I had interned in Wilsafe Private Limited as a cadet engineer and this expands my viewpoint of the experiences and challenges faced by individuals in the workforce. > (inconsistent verb tense use)
-- using others' perspectives or opinions and never make the same mistakes again > (lack of parallel structure) ?
3. meaning
-- This helps me to think on what I should be focusing on rather than being swayed. > (I'm not sure what this means.)
4. sentence structure/punctuation
-- ...and I have to face the public or my superiors every time I present therefore I hope that I can overcome this by the end of this module. > (run on sentence)
-- I have been communicating with family and peers mostly in Singlish and sometimes I could encounter challenges when trying to express myself in proper English. > (lack of comma)
Let's work on these.
I look forward to learning more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you Prof, I will make amendment!
Delete